justin long- used to see him on joint gym trips with drew barrymore. definitely looked like he wouldn't come in on his own. skinny dork. the two of them together definitely looked like a high school couple, like the mega-dork, star wars underpants kid finally gets the cool girl and clings to her, and she clings right back because she finally found a guy who will treat her like a lady. it probably helps that she isn't in a constant drug-addled haze flashing people everywhere anymore. usually commands more respect when you keep your clothes on. just a thought.
anyway, he comes in on his own now. and actually looks like he knows what he's doing. probably trying to get huge to impress me. sorry buddy. i don't swing snoopy look-alike.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
KAL PENN
kal penn- that's right. harold or kumar. or white castle. don't care. anyway, did the ellyptical like mad usually early in the morning and read scripts. but did nothing else, and looked all around goofy and out of place. left for dc. probably doesn't have to pretend he works out there...
DEVON AOKI
devon aoki- whoa head up her own ass. definitely thinks a lot of herself. and she really can't back it up. she's fugtastic. but she spins which is cool. but in prada shoes, which is not.
KRISTEN BELL
Kristen Bell- aka Veronica Mars, not well-known BY EVERYONE, but well-known at gym as turbo-bitch. well, just not particularly friendly. she is small but soft, AKA skinny fat. and let's be honest, that just doesn't cut it. body fat must remain below 12% if you're ever going to make the jump from shitty CW network tv to at least the fox network. there. I said it.
NICK CANNON
nick cannon- saw him at ralph's (grocery store). very cute. but seemed very immature, and that is saying something when it comes from me. I pretty much have the maturity of a 4 year old retarded kid on speed. (which would be hilarious, let's be honest.)
REBECCA GAYHEART
rebecca gayheart- noxzema girl, married to mcsteamy. way too hot for her. why can't he come to the gym instead??? now that might encourage me to actually work out.
CHRIS KATTAN
chris kattan- apparently at my gym all the time, but I saw him for the first time the other day. very small, like curious george small. kind of looks like curious george too, now that I think about it... was staring at me yesterday. that was a little unnerving. I was a little worried he'd start humping my leg or something. he's engaged to some girl named sunshine. seriously?? I'd rather be named martha dumptruck
LAUREN CONRAD
Lauren LC Conrad- yes, LC in the flesh. holy crap. I was at the griddle, the supremely overrated pancake place where every waiter deserves an open-hand slap in the dong. assholes. anyway. She looked, umm, full of herself, but physically normal. normal weight, height, not too pretty or ugly. just clearly too put together and constantly constantly on her blackberry. I know because I stared at her from the moment she arrived to the moment the police escorted me out after she called the cops.
BRIAN UNGER
Brian Unger- um, you will have no idea I'm sure, and I just found out yesterday by chance, but he is a host on Some Assembly Required on Discovery and has been a daily show correspondent and on I Love the 90s, and some other crap. I have been seeing him around since the beginning, and I think I even talked about him before as some sinister looking soap opera star, which he is, but is actually not. ha. that made sense. must be the altitude. anyway, he looks like a prick, and he is. so, I don't think I'll be tuning in to his show. just happened to come across it while on the treadmill at the gym in vail. almost fell off because I was so shocked finally figure out who this douche was
DINA MEYER
Dina Meyer- okay, so apparently she's been in a bunch of stuff, and I've been seeing her around my gym since the beginning, but I finally figured out where I KNOW her from, which is what's important, obviously. She was Kate on Friends- one of Joey's girlfriends, the smart actress he was in a terrible play with, and a first she hated him, but then fell for him, then left to take a role on a soap in california. so happy I figured that out. you have no idea how much it was gnawing at me. I can finally sleep at night again. PS- she's a woman-hating turbo-bitch.
JEREMY SISTO
Jeremy Sisto- cute. the neglecting husband in waitress, the boyfriend in thirteen, some other awesome, random wife-beater stuff, but all marred by his participation in the tbs series "my boys." did anyone see that shit? i consider myself significantly tainted for having subjected myself to it. MULTIPLE TIMES!! why? oh, I have no life. not even sisto could save that garbage.
JORDANA BREWSTER
Jordana Brewster- fast and the furious, was in pilot of TV Mr and Mrs Smith, other such swill. anyway, seen her before, but always forget to include. she became more noteworthy this past week because I almost ran her over in the starbucks parking lot. we both then proceeded to drive to the gym and nearly run into each other several times on foot. she may think I'm stalking her. which may be true. she is cute, what can I say? if nothing else, she is a prime example of someone who started out in soaps (all my children) and is something of a movie star at this point. SOOOO, if I do get on days of our lives however briefly, I TOO could be D-List someday. Maybe even date a former underwear model like marky mark. whoopee!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
February 14, 2008
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay, so this isn't new, but the guy who I thought wasn't actually lenny IS actually Lenny. but since he's in WeHo (west hollywood for those not in the know, ie YOU. haha), he is probably gay. I was hoping to up my olympian count. dammit.
-Michael Chang- tennis player. retired in the 90s after never accomplishing anything because he's 3'11. not at the gym. saw him at runyon canyon with his wife. or paramour. that's saucier. and makes it seem like he could be interesting, because I'm pretty sure even my life is more exciting than his. he just seems boring. know what I mean? you care, I know.
-Scott Patterson- didn't know who he was until I asked a coworker, and she tells me he was on gilmore girls, in saw IV, on aliens in america, etc... AND HE PLAYED FOR THE YANKEES! I would say he's hot except his hair is thinning. must be all the steroids. or the fact that he's old... haha. anyway, we've hung out twice now, and he is getting ready to film saw V, and... I don't care because I don't watch that kind of filth.
-Bret Harrison- okay, so this is like double z list, but he was on an episode of the OC and was particularly memorable because he was SO annoying. he was named danny and summer dated him for like a nanosecond because he was like the unfunny seth, like seth to the nth degree. just look it up, you'll know. well, you'll know if you are awesome and watched the OC. and have all the seasons on dvd, even 4 after marissa died and took the show down with her. hooker.
-Michael Chang- tennis player. retired in the 90s after never accomplishing anything because he's 3'11. not at the gym. saw him at runyon canyon with his wife. or paramour. that's saucier. and makes it seem like he could be interesting, because I'm pretty sure even my life is more exciting than his. he just seems boring. know what I mean? you care, I know.
-Scott Patterson- didn't know who he was until I asked a coworker, and she tells me he was on gilmore girls, in saw IV, on aliens in america, etc... AND HE PLAYED FOR THE YANKEES! I would say he's hot except his hair is thinning. must be all the steroids. or the fact that he's old... haha. anyway, we've hung out twice now, and he is getting ready to film saw V, and... I don't care because I don't watch that kind of filth.
-Bret Harrison- okay, so this is like double z list, but he was on an episode of the OC and was particularly memorable because he was SO annoying. he was named danny and summer dated him for like a nanosecond because he was like the unfunny seth, like seth to the nth degree. just look it up, you'll know. well, you'll know if you are awesome and watched the OC. and have all the seasons on dvd, even 4 after marissa died and took the show down with her. hooker.
February 6, 2008
Jay Z and Beyonce- wow. They came in yesterday as I was working with a client. She refused to focus for the rest of our session and asked if she should go get a picture with them. Haha. Anyway, they are both a lot smaller than I expected. And I always thought Beyonce was really alien-looking with these huge cricket features. But she is gorgeous. It’s a little frustrating for homely midgets like me. And even more so, because Jay Z looks like Droopy Dog. He and I would be a much better match. Obviously.
-Anthony Kiedis- saw him at a restaurant across from the gym and it wasn’t even an edgy, dirty restaurant that you would expect a frequently half-clothed and obscene rock star to frequent. He is a new father though, so maybe it’s mollifying him. I don’t think that bodes well for the chili peppers though… Flea is totally going to throw him out of the band and have a VH1 reality show to find a new lead singer.
-Eliza Dushku- also not at the gym. She was walking down some residential street just off Melrose Ave, eating ice cream. Fatty. She is probably still eating the sorrows away that came with starring in Bring It On. And no less than 3563 other unrecognizable and most likely unwatchable films. But no judgment(about the eating. the filmography is abhorrent). I had just finished eating my sorrows at an indian buffet.
-Joe E. Tata- now, if you are like me and were prohibited from watching 90210, you will not appreciate this. He was Nat, the guy who ran the peach pit. And he was WASTED at 11AM on a Thursday. Nice.
-Johnny Galecki- David on Roseanne. Still short. Not cute. Or friendly. I kind of want to say, “Buddy, nothing else going for you. Might as well be amiable.”
-Anthony Kiedis- saw him at a restaurant across from the gym and it wasn’t even an edgy, dirty restaurant that you would expect a frequently half-clothed and obscene rock star to frequent. He is a new father though, so maybe it’s mollifying him. I don’t think that bodes well for the chili peppers though… Flea is totally going to throw him out of the band and have a VH1 reality show to find a new lead singer.
-Eliza Dushku- also not at the gym. She was walking down some residential street just off Melrose Ave, eating ice cream. Fatty. She is probably still eating the sorrows away that came with starring in Bring It On. And no less than 3563 other unrecognizable and most likely unwatchable films. But no judgment(about the eating. the filmography is abhorrent). I had just finished eating my sorrows at an indian buffet.
-Joe E. Tata- now, if you are like me and were prohibited from watching 90210, you will not appreciate this. He was Nat, the guy who ran the peach pit. And he was WASTED at 11AM on a Thursday. Nice.
-Johnny Galecki- David on Roseanne. Still short. Not cute. Or friendly. I kind of want to say, “Buddy, nothing else going for you. Might as well be amiable.”
Pauly Shore's Birthday Party 2008
So I went to Pauly Shore’s bday party. It didn’t really start out that well. We (me, my friend, Kate from DC, and my coworkers, Brian, Tom, and Adam walk over to the Comedy Store, and it was freezing.
And we had made sure to RSVP and get our names on “the list” and all, and people are just walking in. Clearly an exclusive soiree.
There were all of 20 people there and it really looked like we were walking into a high school reunion. People scattered around the cheaply decorated room in clumps of 4 or 5. All the men are fat and balding, and the women on their arms are either way better looking or are transvestites. Okay, so maybe not my high school, but whatever.
Anyway, at least the drinks were free. And Pauly definitely took advantage of that. Dude could not stand up on his own by the time he got there. And he was being flanked/held up by two FORMER playmates, and we're talking like playmates class of 1974. Class personified. It's the jealousy talking.
Anyway, there were a couple of almost noteworthy people there:
Neal McDonough- yeah, I had no idea what his name was, but I did recognize him as an insanely sinister looking dude from the some TV show. He freaks me out, and I’d already slammed 3 margaritas. So one would understand why I crawled under a table and hid until Brian lured me out with another drink.
The party was unraveling quickly, but there were a lot of cameras, and I assume I will be on YouTube at some point in the near future. So after another hour or so of mind-numbing boredom and about 450 other coworkers of mine showing up, we had our first real celebrity arrival.
-Jeremy Piven- yessssssssssss! But homeboy is a pipsqueak. I almost knocked him over. Then almost fell over myself after doing the MOST obvious double-take in history. Man, I’m suave. But it was cool as shit. And one of my coworkers took a pic of himself and JPiv, and you can totally see where his toupee starts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And someone said he comes to my gym a lot. So I will try to redeem myself.
And that’s pretty much it for that night. Kate dropped me off at home, and I promptly called a cab to come take me to get sushi. At 2AM. Hahaha. I would have walked somewhere but there are only strip clubs near me. I hear some have good food though.
And we had made sure to RSVP and get our names on “the list” and all, and people are just walking in. Clearly an exclusive soiree.
There were all of 20 people there and it really looked like we were walking into a high school reunion. People scattered around the cheaply decorated room in clumps of 4 or 5. All the men are fat and balding, and the women on their arms are either way better looking or are transvestites. Okay, so maybe not my high school, but whatever.
Anyway, at least the drinks were free. And Pauly definitely took advantage of that. Dude could not stand up on his own by the time he got there. And he was being flanked/held up by two FORMER playmates, and we're talking like playmates class of 1974. Class personified. It's the jealousy talking.
Anyway, there were a couple of almost noteworthy people there:
Neal McDonough- yeah, I had no idea what his name was, but I did recognize him as an insanely sinister looking dude from the some TV show. He freaks me out, and I’d already slammed 3 margaritas. So one would understand why I crawled under a table and hid until Brian lured me out with another drink.
The party was unraveling quickly, but there were a lot of cameras, and I assume I will be on YouTube at some point in the near future. So after another hour or so of mind-numbing boredom and about 450 other coworkers of mine showing up, we had our first real celebrity arrival.
-Jeremy Piven- yessssssssssss! But homeboy is a pipsqueak. I almost knocked him over. Then almost fell over myself after doing the MOST obvious double-take in history. Man, I’m suave. But it was cool as shit. And one of my coworkers took a pic of himself and JPiv, and you can totally see where his toupee starts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And someone said he comes to my gym a lot. So I will try to redeem myself.
And that’s pretty much it for that night. Kate dropped me off at home, and I promptly called a cab to come take me to get sushi. At 2AM. Hahaha. I would have walked somewhere but there are only strip clubs near me. I hear some have good food though.
January 29, 2008
-Sean William Scott- STIFFMEISTER!
-Fabio- hahahahahahahahahahaha. oh my god. looks exactly how you'd imagine. except he wears this rigoddamndiculous red jumpsuit with cutoff sleeves every day to work out. looks like a gas station attendant. or an inmate. with luscious long blond hair. which does not make sense on neither. so it's a good thing he's got a day job. riiiiiiiiight.
-Jason Schwartzman- very very very short. and thoroughly unattractive. ruins my day to see that shit at my gym.
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay so it was actually just some guy. but if it had been lenny, i would probably have fainted. as we all know, i find swimmers irresistible...
-Cuttino Mobley- plays for the clippers. I didn't know. you probably didn't either, so nevermind.
-Kiersten Warren- yeah, I had to look her up too. turns out she was actually on saved by the bell- the college years. played slater's girlfriend. was super annoying.
-Margaret Cho- I think. but she's irrelevant so i won't bore you with the fury with which I hate her. wow, that was vindictive. didn't think i had it in me. that's a lie.
-Fabio- hahahahahahahahahahaha. oh my god. looks exactly how you'd imagine. except he wears this rigoddamndiculous red jumpsuit with cutoff sleeves every day to work out. looks like a gas station attendant. or an inmate. with luscious long blond hair. which does not make sense on neither. so it's a good thing he's got a day job. riiiiiiiiight.
-Jason Schwartzman- very very very short. and thoroughly unattractive. ruins my day to see that shit at my gym.
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay so it was actually just some guy. but if it had been lenny, i would probably have fainted. as we all know, i find swimmers irresistible...
-Cuttino Mobley- plays for the clippers. I didn't know. you probably didn't either, so nevermind.
-Kiersten Warren- yeah, I had to look her up too. turns out she was actually on saved by the bell- the college years. played slater's girlfriend. was super annoying.
-Margaret Cho- I think. but she's irrelevant so i won't bore you with the fury with which I hate her. wow, that was vindictive. didn't think i had it in me. that's a lie.
January 22, 2008
-DREW BARRYMORE- this is major. she is miniscule. all of 4'11. ok, exaggerating, but if you're shorter than me, you might as well be an elf. but she pretty much looked exactly like she does in the movies. didn't do much at the gym. came with some guy who was not justin long and was definitely gay. and then walked kinda slowly on the treadmill for a while. not sure if that workout was worth it. but glad she was there for my sake.
-Jeanne Triplehorn- ummm, not much to say here, except she ellypticals really slowly.
-Nicole Scherzinger- aka lead singer of the pussycat dolls. stupid looking hat. was taking the music video dance class. at the end of each of those classes, they have like a dance-off. she made it to the final 4. I think it was fixed though. slut.
-Brittany Daniel- best known as Jessica Wakefield on the sweet valley high series. sad that that is her best known role still, and even sadder that I know that. though she did have a fitness profile in US a couple of weeks ago. she looks good. don't know what the profile was supposed to do besides get her some ink. hope it helped...
-Mario Lopez- that's right. AC Slater in the flesh. not actually a gym member, but was there with an editor of muscle and fitness magazine who was training him. training with outside trainers is actually not allowed, so one of the managers was telling them so. AC got pissed and was giving him attitude. He was basically throwing a tantrum. very flattering. not as physically impressive as I would have expected. and drank one of our ridiculously overpriced and goofy smoothies from our juice bar. what a fruit.
-Sean Rankine- Season 1 Road Rules. Hooked up with some other cast member who was not cute. Exposed butt on show. He was cute. Dumb. Clothes make it clear he is an asshat. But friendly. To girls with big boobs, of course.
-Michael- some guy who is from something (can't figure out what for the life of me). he looks like scott baio but less washed up, has-been, AA attendee looking. someone said he is on CSI, but I don't think so. I'll figure it out. I know. A matter of life and death. Well, if it means I don't die of boredom, it's worth me figuring it out, right??
-Jeanne Triplehorn- ummm, not much to say here, except she ellypticals really slowly.
-Nicole Scherzinger- aka lead singer of the pussycat dolls. stupid looking hat. was taking the music video dance class. at the end of each of those classes, they have like a dance-off. she made it to the final 4. I think it was fixed though. slut.
-Brittany Daniel- best known as Jessica Wakefield on the sweet valley high series. sad that that is her best known role still, and even sadder that I know that. though she did have a fitness profile in US a couple of weeks ago. she looks good. don't know what the profile was supposed to do besides get her some ink. hope it helped...
-Mario Lopez- that's right. AC Slater in the flesh. not actually a gym member, but was there with an editor of muscle and fitness magazine who was training him. training with outside trainers is actually not allowed, so one of the managers was telling them so. AC got pissed and was giving him attitude. He was basically throwing a tantrum. very flattering. not as physically impressive as I would have expected. and drank one of our ridiculously overpriced and goofy smoothies from our juice bar. what a fruit.
-Sean Rankine- Season 1 Road Rules. Hooked up with some other cast member who was not cute. Exposed butt on show. He was cute. Dumb. Clothes make it clear he is an asshat. But friendly. To girls with big boobs, of course.
-Michael- some guy who is from something (can't figure out what for the life of me). he looks like scott baio but less washed up, has-been, AA attendee looking. someone said he is on CSI, but I don't think so. I'll figure it out. I know. A matter of life and death. Well, if it means I don't die of boredom, it's worth me figuring it out, right??
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