justin long- used to see him on joint gym trips with drew barrymore. definitely looked like he wouldn't come in on his own. skinny dork. the two of them together definitely looked like a high school couple, like the mega-dork, star wars underpants kid finally gets the cool girl and clings to her, and she clings right back because she finally found a guy who will treat her like a lady. it probably helps that she isn't in a constant drug-addled haze flashing people everywhere anymore. usually commands more respect when you keep your clothes on. just a thought.
anyway, he comes in on his own now. and actually looks like he knows what he's doing. probably trying to get huge to impress me. sorry buddy. i don't swing snoopy look-alike.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
KAL PENN
kal penn- that's right. harold or kumar. or white castle. don't care. anyway, did the ellyptical like mad usually early in the morning and read scripts. but did nothing else, and looked all around goofy and out of place. left for dc. probably doesn't have to pretend he works out there...
DEVON AOKI
devon aoki- whoa head up her own ass. definitely thinks a lot of herself. and she really can't back it up. she's fugtastic. but she spins which is cool. but in prada shoes, which is not.
KRISTEN BELL
Kristen Bell- aka Veronica Mars, not well-known BY EVERYONE, but well-known at gym as turbo-bitch. well, just not particularly friendly. she is small but soft, AKA skinny fat. and let's be honest, that just doesn't cut it. body fat must remain below 12% if you're ever going to make the jump from shitty CW network tv to at least the fox network. there. I said it.
NICK CANNON
nick cannon- saw him at ralph's (grocery store). very cute. but seemed very immature, and that is saying something when it comes from me. I pretty much have the maturity of a 4 year old retarded kid on speed. (which would be hilarious, let's be honest.)
REBECCA GAYHEART
rebecca gayheart- noxzema girl, married to mcsteamy. way too hot for her. why can't he come to the gym instead??? now that might encourage me to actually work out.
CHRIS KATTAN
chris kattan- apparently at my gym all the time, but I saw him for the first time the other day. very small, like curious george small. kind of looks like curious george too, now that I think about it... was staring at me yesterday. that was a little unnerving. I was a little worried he'd start humping my leg or something. he's engaged to some girl named sunshine. seriously?? I'd rather be named martha dumptruck
LAUREN CONRAD
Lauren LC Conrad- yes, LC in the flesh. holy crap. I was at the griddle, the supremely overrated pancake place where every waiter deserves an open-hand slap in the dong. assholes. anyway. She looked, umm, full of herself, but physically normal. normal weight, height, not too pretty or ugly. just clearly too put together and constantly constantly on her blackberry. I know because I stared at her from the moment she arrived to the moment the police escorted me out after she called the cops.
BRIAN UNGER
Brian Unger- um, you will have no idea I'm sure, and I just found out yesterday by chance, but he is a host on Some Assembly Required on Discovery and has been a daily show correspondent and on I Love the 90s, and some other crap. I have been seeing him around since the beginning, and I think I even talked about him before as some sinister looking soap opera star, which he is, but is actually not. ha. that made sense. must be the altitude. anyway, he looks like a prick, and he is. so, I don't think I'll be tuning in to his show. just happened to come across it while on the treadmill at the gym in vail. almost fell off because I was so shocked finally figure out who this douche was
DINA MEYER
Dina Meyer- okay, so apparently she's been in a bunch of stuff, and I've been seeing her around my gym since the beginning, but I finally figured out where I KNOW her from, which is what's important, obviously. She was Kate on Friends- one of Joey's girlfriends, the smart actress he was in a terrible play with, and a first she hated him, but then fell for him, then left to take a role on a soap in california. so happy I figured that out. you have no idea how much it was gnawing at me. I can finally sleep at night again. PS- she's a woman-hating turbo-bitch.
JEREMY SISTO
Jeremy Sisto- cute. the neglecting husband in waitress, the boyfriend in thirteen, some other awesome, random wife-beater stuff, but all marred by his participation in the tbs series "my boys." did anyone see that shit? i consider myself significantly tainted for having subjected myself to it. MULTIPLE TIMES!! why? oh, I have no life. not even sisto could save that garbage.
JORDANA BREWSTER
Jordana Brewster- fast and the furious, was in pilot of TV Mr and Mrs Smith, other such swill. anyway, seen her before, but always forget to include. she became more noteworthy this past week because I almost ran her over in the starbucks parking lot. we both then proceeded to drive to the gym and nearly run into each other several times on foot. she may think I'm stalking her. which may be true. she is cute, what can I say? if nothing else, she is a prime example of someone who started out in soaps (all my children) and is something of a movie star at this point. SOOOO, if I do get on days of our lives however briefly, I TOO could be D-List someday. Maybe even date a former underwear model like marky mark. whoopee!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
February 14, 2008
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay, so this isn't new, but the guy who I thought wasn't actually lenny IS actually Lenny. but since he's in WeHo (west hollywood for those not in the know, ie YOU. haha), he is probably gay. I was hoping to up my olympian count. dammit.
-Michael Chang- tennis player. retired in the 90s after never accomplishing anything because he's 3'11. not at the gym. saw him at runyon canyon with his wife. or paramour. that's saucier. and makes it seem like he could be interesting, because I'm pretty sure even my life is more exciting than his. he just seems boring. know what I mean? you care, I know.
-Scott Patterson- didn't know who he was until I asked a coworker, and she tells me he was on gilmore girls, in saw IV, on aliens in america, etc... AND HE PLAYED FOR THE YANKEES! I would say he's hot except his hair is thinning. must be all the steroids. or the fact that he's old... haha. anyway, we've hung out twice now, and he is getting ready to film saw V, and... I don't care because I don't watch that kind of filth.
-Bret Harrison- okay, so this is like double z list, but he was on an episode of the OC and was particularly memorable because he was SO annoying. he was named danny and summer dated him for like a nanosecond because he was like the unfunny seth, like seth to the nth degree. just look it up, you'll know. well, you'll know if you are awesome and watched the OC. and have all the seasons on dvd, even 4 after marissa died and took the show down with her. hooker.
-Michael Chang- tennis player. retired in the 90s after never accomplishing anything because he's 3'11. not at the gym. saw him at runyon canyon with his wife. or paramour. that's saucier. and makes it seem like he could be interesting, because I'm pretty sure even my life is more exciting than his. he just seems boring. know what I mean? you care, I know.
-Scott Patterson- didn't know who he was until I asked a coworker, and she tells me he was on gilmore girls, in saw IV, on aliens in america, etc... AND HE PLAYED FOR THE YANKEES! I would say he's hot except his hair is thinning. must be all the steroids. or the fact that he's old... haha. anyway, we've hung out twice now, and he is getting ready to film saw V, and... I don't care because I don't watch that kind of filth.
-Bret Harrison- okay, so this is like double z list, but he was on an episode of the OC and was particularly memorable because he was SO annoying. he was named danny and summer dated him for like a nanosecond because he was like the unfunny seth, like seth to the nth degree. just look it up, you'll know. well, you'll know if you are awesome and watched the OC. and have all the seasons on dvd, even 4 after marissa died and took the show down with her. hooker.
February 6, 2008
Jay Z and Beyonce- wow. They came in yesterday as I was working with a client. She refused to focus for the rest of our session and asked if she should go get a picture with them. Haha. Anyway, they are both a lot smaller than I expected. And I always thought Beyonce was really alien-looking with these huge cricket features. But she is gorgeous. It’s a little frustrating for homely midgets like me. And even more so, because Jay Z looks like Droopy Dog. He and I would be a much better match. Obviously.
-Anthony Kiedis- saw him at a restaurant across from the gym and it wasn’t even an edgy, dirty restaurant that you would expect a frequently half-clothed and obscene rock star to frequent. He is a new father though, so maybe it’s mollifying him. I don’t think that bodes well for the chili peppers though… Flea is totally going to throw him out of the band and have a VH1 reality show to find a new lead singer.
-Eliza Dushku- also not at the gym. She was walking down some residential street just off Melrose Ave, eating ice cream. Fatty. She is probably still eating the sorrows away that came with starring in Bring It On. And no less than 3563 other unrecognizable and most likely unwatchable films. But no judgment(about the eating. the filmography is abhorrent). I had just finished eating my sorrows at an indian buffet.
-Joe E. Tata- now, if you are like me and were prohibited from watching 90210, you will not appreciate this. He was Nat, the guy who ran the peach pit. And he was WASTED at 11AM on a Thursday. Nice.
-Johnny Galecki- David on Roseanne. Still short. Not cute. Or friendly. I kind of want to say, “Buddy, nothing else going for you. Might as well be amiable.”
-Anthony Kiedis- saw him at a restaurant across from the gym and it wasn’t even an edgy, dirty restaurant that you would expect a frequently half-clothed and obscene rock star to frequent. He is a new father though, so maybe it’s mollifying him. I don’t think that bodes well for the chili peppers though… Flea is totally going to throw him out of the band and have a VH1 reality show to find a new lead singer.
-Eliza Dushku- also not at the gym. She was walking down some residential street just off Melrose Ave, eating ice cream. Fatty. She is probably still eating the sorrows away that came with starring in Bring It On. And no less than 3563 other unrecognizable and most likely unwatchable films. But no judgment(about the eating. the filmography is abhorrent). I had just finished eating my sorrows at an indian buffet.
-Joe E. Tata- now, if you are like me and were prohibited from watching 90210, you will not appreciate this. He was Nat, the guy who ran the peach pit. And he was WASTED at 11AM on a Thursday. Nice.
-Johnny Galecki- David on Roseanne. Still short. Not cute. Or friendly. I kind of want to say, “Buddy, nothing else going for you. Might as well be amiable.”
Pauly Shore's Birthday Party 2008
So I went to Pauly Shore’s bday party. It didn’t really start out that well. We (me, my friend, Kate from DC, and my coworkers, Brian, Tom, and Adam walk over to the Comedy Store, and it was freezing.
And we had made sure to RSVP and get our names on “the list” and all, and people are just walking in. Clearly an exclusive soiree.
There were all of 20 people there and it really looked like we were walking into a high school reunion. People scattered around the cheaply decorated room in clumps of 4 or 5. All the men are fat and balding, and the women on their arms are either way better looking or are transvestites. Okay, so maybe not my high school, but whatever.
Anyway, at least the drinks were free. And Pauly definitely took advantage of that. Dude could not stand up on his own by the time he got there. And he was being flanked/held up by two FORMER playmates, and we're talking like playmates class of 1974. Class personified. It's the jealousy talking.
Anyway, there were a couple of almost noteworthy people there:
Neal McDonough- yeah, I had no idea what his name was, but I did recognize him as an insanely sinister looking dude from the some TV show. He freaks me out, and I’d already slammed 3 margaritas. So one would understand why I crawled under a table and hid until Brian lured me out with another drink.
The party was unraveling quickly, but there were a lot of cameras, and I assume I will be on YouTube at some point in the near future. So after another hour or so of mind-numbing boredom and about 450 other coworkers of mine showing up, we had our first real celebrity arrival.
-Jeremy Piven- yessssssssssss! But homeboy is a pipsqueak. I almost knocked him over. Then almost fell over myself after doing the MOST obvious double-take in history. Man, I’m suave. But it was cool as shit. And one of my coworkers took a pic of himself and JPiv, and you can totally see where his toupee starts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And someone said he comes to my gym a lot. So I will try to redeem myself.
And that’s pretty much it for that night. Kate dropped me off at home, and I promptly called a cab to come take me to get sushi. At 2AM. Hahaha. I would have walked somewhere but there are only strip clubs near me. I hear some have good food though.
And we had made sure to RSVP and get our names on “the list” and all, and people are just walking in. Clearly an exclusive soiree.
There were all of 20 people there and it really looked like we were walking into a high school reunion. People scattered around the cheaply decorated room in clumps of 4 or 5. All the men are fat and balding, and the women on their arms are either way better looking or are transvestites. Okay, so maybe not my high school, but whatever.
Anyway, at least the drinks were free. And Pauly definitely took advantage of that. Dude could not stand up on his own by the time he got there. And he was being flanked/held up by two FORMER playmates, and we're talking like playmates class of 1974. Class personified. It's the jealousy talking.
Anyway, there were a couple of almost noteworthy people there:
Neal McDonough- yeah, I had no idea what his name was, but I did recognize him as an insanely sinister looking dude from the some TV show. He freaks me out, and I’d already slammed 3 margaritas. So one would understand why I crawled under a table and hid until Brian lured me out with another drink.
The party was unraveling quickly, but there were a lot of cameras, and I assume I will be on YouTube at some point in the near future. So after another hour or so of mind-numbing boredom and about 450 other coworkers of mine showing up, we had our first real celebrity arrival.
-Jeremy Piven- yessssssssssss! But homeboy is a pipsqueak. I almost knocked him over. Then almost fell over myself after doing the MOST obvious double-take in history. Man, I’m suave. But it was cool as shit. And one of my coworkers took a pic of himself and JPiv, and you can totally see where his toupee starts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And someone said he comes to my gym a lot. So I will try to redeem myself.
And that’s pretty much it for that night. Kate dropped me off at home, and I promptly called a cab to come take me to get sushi. At 2AM. Hahaha. I would have walked somewhere but there are only strip clubs near me. I hear some have good food though.
January 29, 2008
-Sean William Scott- STIFFMEISTER!
-Fabio- hahahahahahahahahahaha. oh my god. looks exactly how you'd imagine. except he wears this rigoddamndiculous red jumpsuit with cutoff sleeves every day to work out. looks like a gas station attendant. or an inmate. with luscious long blond hair. which does not make sense on neither. so it's a good thing he's got a day job. riiiiiiiiight.
-Jason Schwartzman- very very very short. and thoroughly unattractive. ruins my day to see that shit at my gym.
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay so it was actually just some guy. but if it had been lenny, i would probably have fainted. as we all know, i find swimmers irresistible...
-Cuttino Mobley- plays for the clippers. I didn't know. you probably didn't either, so nevermind.
-Kiersten Warren- yeah, I had to look her up too. turns out she was actually on saved by the bell- the college years. played slater's girlfriend. was super annoying.
-Margaret Cho- I think. but she's irrelevant so i won't bore you with the fury with which I hate her. wow, that was vindictive. didn't think i had it in me. that's a lie.
-Fabio- hahahahahahahahahahaha. oh my god. looks exactly how you'd imagine. except he wears this rigoddamndiculous red jumpsuit with cutoff sleeves every day to work out. looks like a gas station attendant. or an inmate. with luscious long blond hair. which does not make sense on neither. so it's a good thing he's got a day job. riiiiiiiiight.
-Jason Schwartzman- very very very short. and thoroughly unattractive. ruins my day to see that shit at my gym.
-Lenny Krayzelberg- okay so it was actually just some guy. but if it had been lenny, i would probably have fainted. as we all know, i find swimmers irresistible...
-Cuttino Mobley- plays for the clippers. I didn't know. you probably didn't either, so nevermind.
-Kiersten Warren- yeah, I had to look her up too. turns out she was actually on saved by the bell- the college years. played slater's girlfriend. was super annoying.
-Margaret Cho- I think. but she's irrelevant so i won't bore you with the fury with which I hate her. wow, that was vindictive. didn't think i had it in me. that's a lie.
January 22, 2008
-DREW BARRYMORE- this is major. she is miniscule. all of 4'11. ok, exaggerating, but if you're shorter than me, you might as well be an elf. but she pretty much looked exactly like she does in the movies. didn't do much at the gym. came with some guy who was not justin long and was definitely gay. and then walked kinda slowly on the treadmill for a while. not sure if that workout was worth it. but glad she was there for my sake.
-Jeanne Triplehorn- ummm, not much to say here, except she ellypticals really slowly.
-Nicole Scherzinger- aka lead singer of the pussycat dolls. stupid looking hat. was taking the music video dance class. at the end of each of those classes, they have like a dance-off. she made it to the final 4. I think it was fixed though. slut.
-Brittany Daniel- best known as Jessica Wakefield on the sweet valley high series. sad that that is her best known role still, and even sadder that I know that. though she did have a fitness profile in US a couple of weeks ago. she looks good. don't know what the profile was supposed to do besides get her some ink. hope it helped...
-Mario Lopez- that's right. AC Slater in the flesh. not actually a gym member, but was there with an editor of muscle and fitness magazine who was training him. training with outside trainers is actually not allowed, so one of the managers was telling them so. AC got pissed and was giving him attitude. He was basically throwing a tantrum. very flattering. not as physically impressive as I would have expected. and drank one of our ridiculously overpriced and goofy smoothies from our juice bar. what a fruit.
-Sean Rankine- Season 1 Road Rules. Hooked up with some other cast member who was not cute. Exposed butt on show. He was cute. Dumb. Clothes make it clear he is an asshat. But friendly. To girls with big boobs, of course.
-Michael- some guy who is from something (can't figure out what for the life of me). he looks like scott baio but less washed up, has-been, AA attendee looking. someone said he is on CSI, but I don't think so. I'll figure it out. I know. A matter of life and death. Well, if it means I don't die of boredom, it's worth me figuring it out, right??
-Jeanne Triplehorn- ummm, not much to say here, except she ellypticals really slowly.
-Nicole Scherzinger- aka lead singer of the pussycat dolls. stupid looking hat. was taking the music video dance class. at the end of each of those classes, they have like a dance-off. she made it to the final 4. I think it was fixed though. slut.
-Brittany Daniel- best known as Jessica Wakefield on the sweet valley high series. sad that that is her best known role still, and even sadder that I know that. though she did have a fitness profile in US a couple of weeks ago. she looks good. don't know what the profile was supposed to do besides get her some ink. hope it helped...
-Mario Lopez- that's right. AC Slater in the flesh. not actually a gym member, but was there with an editor of muscle and fitness magazine who was training him. training with outside trainers is actually not allowed, so one of the managers was telling them so. AC got pissed and was giving him attitude. He was basically throwing a tantrum. very flattering. not as physically impressive as I would have expected. and drank one of our ridiculously overpriced and goofy smoothies from our juice bar. what a fruit.
-Sean Rankine- Season 1 Road Rules. Hooked up with some other cast member who was not cute. Exposed butt on show. He was cute. Dumb. Clothes make it clear he is an asshat. But friendly. To girls with big boobs, of course.
-Michael- some guy who is from something (can't figure out what for the life of me). he looks like scott baio but less washed up, has-been, AA attendee looking. someone said he is on CSI, but I don't think so. I'll figure it out. I know. A matter of life and death. Well, if it means I don't die of boredom, it's worth me figuring it out, right??
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
January 15, 2008
-taye diggs- short and seemingly unfriendly. winning combination. however, his butt is terrific. I think that makes up for it.
-christina milian- very small, but seemed like a diva. well, maybe just more of a brat than a diva. brought in her own trainer to the gym. he was fat. that was weird.
-brody jenner- cute. but his taste in ladies (lauren from the hills) leaves something to be desired. and he has like 8 step-families, including the kardashians. If we got married, they'd probably rope me into some extended family penthouse layout. not going there.
-mark feuerstein- at IHOP with a kid. I hope it's his. haha. this is the guy who couldn't please miranda on sex and the city. that really doesn't narrow it down. he starred on the short-lived nbc sitcom good morning, miami. that probably doesn't help either. there was a reason it was short-lived.
-chris noth- back in gym. always checking the class schedule board, but never actually attending any. he can't be that busy. Gym offers 34897340 classes a day.
-dave navarro- this made my day today. he's really small. and the way he carries himself makes me think he is a humongous dork, like all he did as a teen was play dungeons and dragons and maybe the clarinet.
-christina milian- very small, but seemed like a diva. well, maybe just more of a brat than a diva. brought in her own trainer to the gym. he was fat. that was weird.
-brody jenner- cute. but his taste in ladies (lauren from the hills) leaves something to be desired. and he has like 8 step-families, including the kardashians. If we got married, they'd probably rope me into some extended family penthouse layout. not going there.
-mark feuerstein- at IHOP with a kid. I hope it's his. haha. this is the guy who couldn't please miranda on sex and the city. that really doesn't narrow it down. he starred on the short-lived nbc sitcom good morning, miami. that probably doesn't help either. there was a reason it was short-lived.
-chris noth- back in gym. always checking the class schedule board, but never actually attending any. he can't be that busy. Gym offers 34897340 classes a day.
-dave navarro- this made my day today. he's really small. and the way he carries himself makes me think he is a humongous dork, like all he did as a teen was play dungeons and dragons and maybe the clarinet.
January 10, 2008
interesting day yesterday, not so much today.
noteworthy:
-in addition to mukluks, appropriate workout footwear apparently includes aquasocks. I didn't even know it was appropriate to wear those anywhere anymore, let alone to the gym. fascinating.
-we have a spa at my gym. at this spa, there is some treatment that is guaranteed to result in an immediate loss of 2-8 inches of flab from your body part of choice. basically, they paint some chemicals on you, then attach electrodes (like a defibrillator), and shock you for 30 minutes. riiiiiiight.
-yesterday, I made my first afternoon/evening trip to the gym. around 4:45, i noticed the demographic began to shift from a good mix of men/women, gay/straight, etc... to all men, all white or latino and all... well-coiffed and spandex-clad. and I kid you not, like clockwork, at 5pm, some ludacris songs ends, cher comes on, and I don't hear another song from any genre but gay for 2 hours. you'd think management would have recognized that trend by now and make sure all the very gay and very cute trainers were on the floor instead of the two poor Mormon fraternal twin trainers that time of day. also, I don't know if any of you are will and grace fans, but there is one episode where there is a gay mafia, and elton john is the godfather of the gay mafia. at the gym, it's kind of the same, except it was more like there was a gay mayor, making the rounds, shaking hands, kissing babies (code for pinching butts and sharing pilates tips). I don't think he lifted a single weight while he was there. And no one didn't know him, and some guys did seem a little intimidated- like they were obligated to say hi to him. the worst part though is that he is not famous, he's all of 5'2, and he looks like a weasel.
new sightings:
-Alison Janney- seemed normal, like an actual person. except it seemed like she had a crush on one of the pilates trainers. who is beyond gay. picture andy dick's character in old school. come to think of it, maybe it is andy dick. haha.
-kevin connelly-redder hair than on entourage. and even shorter than I thought. fyi- an actor being short in comparison to other actors means that actor is 4'10. max.
-giuliana depandi- host of some E! show. scary skinny. serious lollipop head.
charlie o'connell- jerry o'connell's less attractive twin. Walks around looking like he needs attention. Can’t imagine why.
-neil patrick harris- doogie howser. very cute, too bad he was there between 5 and 7, if you take my point. haha. it's weird- for everyone else, the camera seems to add 10 or 20 pounds. for him, it seems to subtract it. he is actually buff.
-jonathan bennett- lindsay lohan's love interest in mean girls. so I stand corrected. this is the guy who i thought was the guy from the hills episode. it's not. and the first time I saw him, I totally thought he was checking me out. he wasn't. he is like the deputy mayor of gay hour. flirts with everyone. and takes the music video dance cardio class. he could be a pussycat doll.
SPEAKING OF THE HILLS, let me get to my tale of Hyde the other night. sooooo, rommie and i get to hyde (which I find out is the most exclusive club in hollywood, and paris hilton might show up) at about 11:15, skip the line, and are seated at the head couch area. we are VIPs. everyone there is very chic, very obviously wealthy, and look like they are 16 years old. roomie says they are all paris hiltons. no jobs, no talent, replete with STDs. they just haven't released their sex tapes yet. oh, and ivanka trump was there with a friend of roomie's, so we talked to her for a while. but honestly, she was seated at the next area over (non-VIP), so she is lucky we gave her the time of day. haha. so we aren't even there 20 minutes, and roomie turns to me and says apparently, paris just showed up. sure enough, every time the door to the club opens for the next 10 minutes, we can see paparazzi flashbulbs going off outside. and eventually, in walks paris, and it was almost like she was there to perform the way everything stopped, and everyone gravitated toward her (and me, since she was AT MY TABLE). the adoration and idolization couldn't have been more obvious if everyone had stood up and clapped for her. anyhoo, since we are old and have jobs and therefore didn't fit in, we left soon thereafter. but while we were waiting at the valet stand, audrina (from the hills) shows up with some guy who was not justin bobby AND HAD TO WAIT TO GET IN. hahahaha, amateur.
noteworthy:
-in addition to mukluks, appropriate workout footwear apparently includes aquasocks. I didn't even know it was appropriate to wear those anywhere anymore, let alone to the gym. fascinating.
-we have a spa at my gym. at this spa, there is some treatment that is guaranteed to result in an immediate loss of 2-8 inches of flab from your body part of choice. basically, they paint some chemicals on you, then attach electrodes (like a defibrillator), and shock you for 30 minutes. riiiiiiight.
-yesterday, I made my first afternoon/evening trip to the gym. around 4:45, i noticed the demographic began to shift from a good mix of men/women, gay/straight, etc... to all men, all white or latino and all... well-coiffed and spandex-clad. and I kid you not, like clockwork, at 5pm, some ludacris songs ends, cher comes on, and I don't hear another song from any genre but gay for 2 hours. you'd think management would have recognized that trend by now and make sure all the very gay and very cute trainers were on the floor instead of the two poor Mormon fraternal twin trainers that time of day. also, I don't know if any of you are will and grace fans, but there is one episode where there is a gay mafia, and elton john is the godfather of the gay mafia. at the gym, it's kind of the same, except it was more like there was a gay mayor, making the rounds, shaking hands, kissing babies (code for pinching butts and sharing pilates tips). I don't think he lifted a single weight while he was there. And no one didn't know him, and some guys did seem a little intimidated- like they were obligated to say hi to him. the worst part though is that he is not famous, he's all of 5'2, and he looks like a weasel.
new sightings:
-Alison Janney- seemed normal, like an actual person. except it seemed like she had a crush on one of the pilates trainers. who is beyond gay. picture andy dick's character in old school. come to think of it, maybe it is andy dick. haha.
-kevin connelly-redder hair than on entourage. and even shorter than I thought. fyi- an actor being short in comparison to other actors means that actor is 4'10. max.
-giuliana depandi- host of some E! show. scary skinny. serious lollipop head.
charlie o'connell- jerry o'connell's less attractive twin. Walks around looking like he needs attention. Can’t imagine why.
-neil patrick harris- doogie howser. very cute, too bad he was there between 5 and 7, if you take my point. haha. it's weird- for everyone else, the camera seems to add 10 or 20 pounds. for him, it seems to subtract it. he is actually buff.
-jonathan bennett- lindsay lohan's love interest in mean girls. so I stand corrected. this is the guy who i thought was the guy from the hills episode. it's not. and the first time I saw him, I totally thought he was checking me out. he wasn't. he is like the deputy mayor of gay hour. flirts with everyone. and takes the music video dance cardio class. he could be a pussycat doll.
SPEAKING OF THE HILLS, let me get to my tale of Hyde the other night. sooooo, rommie and i get to hyde (which I find out is the most exclusive club in hollywood, and paris hilton might show up) at about 11:15, skip the line, and are seated at the head couch area. we are VIPs. everyone there is very chic, very obviously wealthy, and look like they are 16 years old. roomie says they are all paris hiltons. no jobs, no talent, replete with STDs. they just haven't released their sex tapes yet. oh, and ivanka trump was there with a friend of roomie's, so we talked to her for a while. but honestly, she was seated at the next area over (non-VIP), so she is lucky we gave her the time of day. haha. so we aren't even there 20 minutes, and roomie turns to me and says apparently, paris just showed up. sure enough, every time the door to the club opens for the next 10 minutes, we can see paparazzi flashbulbs going off outside. and eventually, in walks paris, and it was almost like she was there to perform the way everything stopped, and everyone gravitated toward her (and me, since she was AT MY TABLE). the adoration and idolization couldn't have been more obvious if everyone had stood up and clapped for her. anyhoo, since we are old and have jobs and therefore didn't fit in, we left soon thereafter. but while we were waiting at the valet stand, audrina (from the hills) shows up with some guy who was not justin bobby AND HAD TO WAIT TO GET IN. hahahaha, amateur.
january 8, 2008
1/8/08
new sightings:
-chris noth- Mr. Big, in the flesh. so I have just arrived at my gym. I am about to throw my towel down on a bike (three months to the triathlon. yikes.), I look up, and MR BIG IS ON A TREADMILL RIGHT BEHIND ME. I nearly wet my pants. And I did miss the bike when I tried to throw my towel on it, and then hit my head bending over to pick it up off the floor. Neat. Not a spazz, I swear. Anyhoo, guess I don't need to add that I am a Noth fan. I almost left immediately to email you all about this one, but I doubt anyone else would be as excited (except Grubar). He looked pretty much the same as he does on SATC, except not quite as Hagrid-like when not standing next to Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean seriously. He looks like a yeti. where was the casting logic there?
-John Krasinski- this, even more so than mr. big, made my day. so hopes for seeing him again soon are slim, because I was at a random burrito place (shocking, I know). he was so cute. but with a doofus in the classic west hollywood hoodie and sunglasses "I don't want to be recognized but really I do because why else would I be wearing this" uniform. So I don't appreciate his taste in friends. he should have ditched friend and come to sit with me. obviously.
-Aaron Eckhart- skinnier than I expected. smaller head too. jumps rope. I can't jump rope, so I will call him a fruitcake for doing something so lame. hehehe. oh, and all the other guys who jump rope do it in a very 4th grade girl type way, so identifying with them doesn't exactly make one a lumberjack, if you take my point.
-JANICE DICKINSON- wow. looks a little less plastic scary in real life. very skinny. very small. wears her pony tail on top of her head in such a manner that reminds me of emory AEPhis. I wonder if she is also a coked out slut. oh wait, we already know she is thanks to E! True Hollywood Story. Oh snap. She already invited one of my friends to audition for her show next season.
-Cacee Cobb- does she count? Jessica Simpson's ex-assistant, currently dating Donald Faison (from Scrubs). I shouldn't know these things. Anyway, big head. Like pumpkin-sized. Too much make-up for the grocery store. But really sweet.
-Justin Chambers- Alex from Grey's Anatomy. and he looked like a butthead. Just like Alex Karev back when he was still a dipshit on the show. he was wearing reflective aviators. and it was 9pm. enough said.
-some guy who looks like he belongs on a soap, but was on something else. can't remember what. I'll figure it out.
noteworthy stuff:
-apparently it's completely normal to work out in mukluk boots. I had no idea.
-MY ROOMMATE REPRESENTS SOMEONE WHO THROWS PARTIES AT ALL THE SBE CLUBS. SBE IS BOLTHOUSE. BOLTHOUSE IS THE GUY HEIDI WORKS FOR ON THE HILS. I AM GOING TO HYDE TONIGHT WITH HIM FOR A PARTY THEY ARE THROWING. APPARENTLY ONLY CELEBRITIES GO TO CLUBS DURING THE WEEK BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE RIFF-RAFF (ie ME) CAN'T GET IN. Obviously, I will keep you posted.
new sightings:
-chris noth- Mr. Big, in the flesh. so I have just arrived at my gym. I am about to throw my towel down on a bike (three months to the triathlon. yikes.), I look up, and MR BIG IS ON A TREADMILL RIGHT BEHIND ME. I nearly wet my pants. And I did miss the bike when I tried to throw my towel on it, and then hit my head bending over to pick it up off the floor. Neat. Not a spazz, I swear. Anyhoo, guess I don't need to add that I am a Noth fan. I almost left immediately to email you all about this one, but I doubt anyone else would be as excited (except Grubar). He looked pretty much the same as he does on SATC, except not quite as Hagrid-like when not standing next to Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean seriously. He looks like a yeti. where was the casting logic there?
-John Krasinski- this, even more so than mr. big, made my day. so hopes for seeing him again soon are slim, because I was at a random burrito place (shocking, I know). he was so cute. but with a doofus in the classic west hollywood hoodie and sunglasses "I don't want to be recognized but really I do because why else would I be wearing this" uniform. So I don't appreciate his taste in friends. he should have ditched friend and come to sit with me. obviously.
-Aaron Eckhart- skinnier than I expected. smaller head too. jumps rope. I can't jump rope, so I will call him a fruitcake for doing something so lame. hehehe. oh, and all the other guys who jump rope do it in a very 4th grade girl type way, so identifying with them doesn't exactly make one a lumberjack, if you take my point.
-JANICE DICKINSON- wow. looks a little less plastic scary in real life. very skinny. very small. wears her pony tail on top of her head in such a manner that reminds me of emory AEPhis. I wonder if she is also a coked out slut. oh wait, we already know she is thanks to E! True Hollywood Story. Oh snap. She already invited one of my friends to audition for her show next season.
-Cacee Cobb- does she count? Jessica Simpson's ex-assistant, currently dating Donald Faison (from Scrubs). I shouldn't know these things. Anyway, big head. Like pumpkin-sized. Too much make-up for the grocery store. But really sweet.
-Justin Chambers- Alex from Grey's Anatomy. and he looked like a butthead. Just like Alex Karev back when he was still a dipshit on the show. he was wearing reflective aviators. and it was 9pm. enough said.
-some guy who looks like he belongs on a soap, but was on something else. can't remember what. I'll figure it out.
noteworthy stuff:
-apparently it's completely normal to work out in mukluk boots. I had no idea.
-MY ROOMMATE REPRESENTS SOMEONE WHO THROWS PARTIES AT ALL THE SBE CLUBS. SBE IS BOLTHOUSE. BOLTHOUSE IS THE GUY HEIDI WORKS FOR ON THE HILS. I AM GOING TO HYDE TONIGHT WITH HIM FOR A PARTY THEY ARE THROWING. APPARENTLY ONLY CELEBRITIES GO TO CLUBS DURING THE WEEK BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE RIFF-RAFF (ie ME) CAN'T GET IN. Obviously, I will keep you posted.
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